THE PERFECT COVERING LETTER

I promised that I'd post this at the exact time of my workshop on the subject at the Edinburgh Book Festival. Think of us, eating chocolate and having fun!

(Btw, sticklers for correct language among you will have noticed that that last sentence can be read in two ways. It's deliberately ambiguous: either you or we are eating chocolate and having fun. And I'm not telling you which. It would be unprofessional.)

Now, those of you who have come late to this blog - where have you been all my life? - will need to go and read two posts first, as today's relates to all the ideas that came from them and also the competition I set up. Here's the first one, and the second is here. Or click the links to Covering Letters Part 1 & 2 on the list of articles on the right.

Your task was to guess what two improvements my agent said could be made to the sample letter. No one got both of them but one clever person got one of them. And the congratulations go to .... DOT! (Another reader, "D", got this later too, but a) it was later and therefore not first and b) he over-analysed the reasons and ended up not pinning it down in an objective, market-led way.)

DOT said "I believe your opening sentence, 'Wasted is a story of love, choice and the science of chance' is the weakest. From the description you write of your book, it is more fraught than that sentence implies." Spot on! It is indeed way more fraught. It's damned knife-edge bone-shivering skin-crawling stuff, with a load of passion thrown in. So, you win the prize - please visit my website and choose a book. Then email me (n@nicolamorgan.co.uk) with an address to send it to and a name to sign it for.

But, let's go through that letter now, because loads of comments came out of it, some of which reveal misconceptions and others which are valid. I'll go through the whole letter, explaining my rationale behind each bit. After that, I'll give a list of MUSTs, MUST NOTs, and MAYBEs.

THE NEAR-PERFECT LETTER

Dear Ms Hathaway,

I enclose the synopsis and sample first chapters of my 67,000 word Young Adult novel, Wasted. I also attach my CV, as requested in your submission guidelines.

It is normal and correct to say what you are enclosing. I am indicating that I have read her submission guidelines. Because she's asked for a CV, I don't have to give details of my pedigree etc in the the letter. I have given the word count, implying that it is complete (which it must be) and showing that it is an appropriate word count so I am not an idiot or ignorant. I have identified the genre /age category, so that she knows immediately what she's about to read. I have given the title. I have not waffled, boasted or been obsequious Yay for me!

----
Wasted is a story of love, choice and the science of chance. Jack and Jess meet by chance, and fall powerfully in love. Jess - beautiful and talented singer - and Jack - impulsive, fascinating, intense, drummer in his own band, Schrödinger’s Cats - are on the eve of leaving school; freedom beckons. But Jess’s mother is an alcoholic and Jess, only child in a single-parent family, feels responsible. As for Jack: his mother died long ago - twice. After such unlikely bad fortune, he is obsessed by luck, chance, fate - whatever you call it. Jack calls it something to be controlled and so takes deliberate risks, playing a game with a coin, challenging chance to beat him. Chances are that, one day, it must. Events come to a dangerous climax in the heady, alcohol-fuelled beach party after the Leavers’ Prom, when life or death hang on the toss of a coin.

As DOT says, that first sentence is not strong enough. My agent said it's too soft "for the current market". My preferred sentence would be something like: "Wasted is a novel of danger, risk and Fate, entwined in a passionate love story." (But I still haven't quite got it right - luckily I don't need to, as the book is being published anyway, but I'll need to work on it so I can enthuse people easily.) Several people commented on the need for more detail - but this is quite sufficient for a covering** letter. Remember: there is a synopsis in the same envelope, which there would not be in a US-style "query", and therefore a query would need more detail. The covering letter can be intriguing, AS LONG AS you have answered any questions (eg re motivation) properly in the synopsis and as long as the letter sounds confident. So, we don't need to know why Jess feels responsible, or how Jack's mother could have died twice.

----
An unusual voice - present tense, omniscient, vivid - is not the book’s only defining feature. Twice within the story, I write alternative versions of an event, versions which turn on an almost unnoticeable chance difference, but a difference which has vastly different consequences. I then toss a coin and the story continues with one version, depending on the result. Finally, I write two alternative endings and challenge the reader to toss a coin to “choose” the ending. How the coin lands affects which possibility becomes reality. And it’s a life or death difference.

Someone commented on the present tense, saying that many people are put off by it. Yes, this is a risk and one which can only be taken in the covering letter if you feel that the story is so strong and intriguing that the agent (who may also be prejudiced against present tense) will read on. Thing is, in Wasted it absolutely is a defining feature, not just its present-tenseness but other aspects of the voice. By claiming that it is "unusual" and "vivid" I aim actually to draw attention to it and almost challenge the agent to try it. Someone commented on the repeated use of "difference" - it's deliberate and each use is mutually referential. This is an important pargraph, and this feature of alternative versions is crucial.

----
I have worked very hard to make this novel as ready as possible for publication but I am also very used to welcoming editorial guidance.

Interesting points from this. Someone said, "But shouldn't it be perfect?" It's a fine line I'm treading here. I want to convey that yes, I have worked very hard and am not submitting something that is not the best I can make it. At the same time, I want to convey some understanding that whatever I produce will need to go through editing. So, I am being neither arrogant about my work nor ignorant of the process of publishing. At the same time, I have not committed the cardinal sin of saying "I know that an editor will want to work on this, so I have deliberately not made it perfect." DO NOT DO THAT!!! Some writers think that it doesn't matter about grammar/ punctuation etc, because "it will be sorted at editing stage." It DOES matter - because it shows whether you're a good enough writer.

----
I have had a few pieces published in other fields, as you will see from my CV, but I am ambitious to become a successful author for young people and am prepared to work as hard as necessary to achieve that.

Here, I'm conveying that a) I have some writing experience b) I hope to have a fruitful career ahead of me and c) I know it will take hard work. All of this labels me (I hope!) as someone with whom an agent and editor will enjoy working. Ambition without delusion, confidence without arrogance, and always a determination to do better. What more could anyone want???

----
The high quality YA market may be relatively small, but it’s one I love and would be so proud to work in.

Here, I am indicating a knowledge of the market that I'm aiming to write for. I'm also conveying that the reason I want to write this type of book is that this is the type of book that I love. So, I'm conveying a connection with my intended readers. It shows that I know exactly what I'm doing and why. And that my reasons are good.

But this is where my agent suggested another line should be added. She pointed out that it would be even better if I named a couple of my favourite YA authors, who write in the same sub-genre as Wasted. This would show even greater knowledge of and passion for the genre. I wouldn't say that I am trying to emulate them but I would say something about my respect for their work.

----
I have already submitted Wasted to the Tanya Highbury agency and, although she gave me some very positive feedback, she did not feel that it was right for her at this time. Otherwise, yours is the only agency which I have approached so far.

Several of you were doubtful about this. Why am I admitting that she was not the first agent I approached? It's because you have to be up front - that's being professional and good to work with. An agent is not stupid: think about it - how likely is it that one particular agent was the first one you approached? They don't mind not being the first - though I wouldn't confess if she was the 50th ... - but they do mind very much if you're not up front about sending your submission to others simultaneously. (Some agents specifically ask you not to, in which case you mustn't.) I also have no problem with saying that Tanya Highbury knocked me back for that reason - again, I'm showing honesty and realism; also, by naming the other agency, I'm even giving my potential agent the opportunity to check. (Agents talk ...) By admitting this situation, I reveal that I understand the ins and outs of getting an agent.

----
I know how busy you must be with existing clients but you will understand that I want to approach other agents fairly soon; therefore, I would be most grateful if you could tell me what your position is on my approaching other agents or indeed some publishers.

Ebony pointed out, rightly, that Janet Reid's post, which I'd linked to, said she hated it when an author said something about knowing how busy she was blahdy blah. However, we have to remember that agents are just like other people, ie different and full of individuality. Personally, I believe this sentence of mine shows common courtesy and respect and portrays me as the sensible and aware person that I am. Frankly, if the agent I'm writing to is going to knock me back because of it, I am maybe not suited to her. More importantly, my comment is part of a wider and crucial strategic point: I am asking her to tell me whether she's happy for me to contact other agents. This is a 100% professional attitude that reveals a good understanding of an agent's work. I am also showing that I want to get on quickly and that I am finding a way to do so which does not mess anyone around. Agents understand this.

----
I very much hope that you will like what you read and that you will want to see the rest of Wasted.

I don't think anyone had a comment about this bit. One point though: you should never say, "I know you're going to love what you read..." Because no, you don't know that.

----
Yours sincerely,

Because, obviously, you know about sincerely for letters where you've used the name and faithfully for when you don't know the name. BUT, you should always know the name. Never do a Dear Sir or Madam

Modest confidence, unobsequious respect and clear professionalism - that's what we want to convey. Simple!

So, my trusty lists:

MUSTS

• be very clear about genre, and age range. If for kids, exactly what age range - 5-7? 12+?
  
• give length of book to nearest 100 words
  
• follow individual submission guidelines to the letter - and show that you know exactly what THIS agent/editor wants
• thereby show that this is a personal approach and NOT a mail-shot
• briefly describe what the book is about, sufficiently for the recipient to know a) that you can write b) that you understand the market and c) that this is a fascinating book that the agent will want to read
• give the right amount of detail: so, in my letter, I did want to say that Jack's mother has died (twice) but I did not need to say why Jess feels responsible. Becasue the first thing is really important to the book but the second thing isn't (but is answered in the book)
  
• show professionalism
• show knowledge of and passion for the specific market you're aiming for
• follow the traditional rules of writing letters, including layout, signing off, including date
• include proper contact details
• be honest
• be respectful
  
• be 100% accurate grammatically
• follow manuscript layout guidelines available from many places on the internet - ie A4 white paper, black ink, TNR 12pt, decent margins, double-spacing, one side of paper, page number+name+title on every page
  

MUST NOTS

• absolutely no submission services/agencies/companies who claim to send a perfect covering letter to zillions of agents and publishers. See Jane Smith's post on the subject.
  
• no typos or crossings out. If you make a mistake and don't notice till after printing it, reprint it
• if for children, don't say it's for 8-18 year-olds - be precise
  
• no sycophancy or creepy compliments
  
• no boasting; no value statements such as "exciting" or "brilliant". Things like "fast-moving" are fine.
  
• no claims that anyone in your family / circle of friends / acquaintances has read and loved it
• no comment about how much you love writing and how long you've been writing for - see Rachelle Gardner's post on Aug 11. She's talking about US query letters, but the same principle applies
  
• no tacky email address or one borrowed from husband/friend
• no "extras" - such as toffee or a photo of you dressed as a koala (or even not dressed as a koala)
• no "I know you're going to love this"
• no use of the phrase "fiction novel" - what is a non-fiction novel?
  

POSSIBLY MAYBEs

• gap in the market - with fiction, don't say there's gap in the market: there isn't. With fiction, all we need is a great story to fit within (even if pushing the boundaries of) an existing area. With non-fiction, gaps in the market are useful - but consider whether there's a gap because there are no readers. So, be careful.
  
• mentioning other authors represented by the agent / published by the editor - if relevant
• length of letter - not too short and not too long. Just say what you feel needs to be said - and hope that the recipient feels the same. Sorry, but there are obviously elements of the "perfect" approach that are subjective. Just follow the all-important rule of making every word count and not putting in anything without first evelauting its effect.
• future projects - yes, if you're at an interesting stage of a similar project (ie one that could be the second novel orf your two-book deal), mention it briefly. But don't let it get in the way of this submission.
  
• comparing your style to another author - this is very tricky to get right and, frankly, I wouldn't do it. It's sometimes a tad arrogant-sounding and risks putting the agent/editor off if they happen not to like that other author (which would be fair enough if your style was really exactly like the other author's, but that is usually not the case). Also, you don't want to sound derivative. But occasionally it can be helpful to mention, done properly.
• giving reason for writing this book - hmm, well, yes, OK, possibly relevant, in fact often so. BUT be very very careful not to indicate that this novel is overly personal experience, because then I might worry where your second one will come from. So, yes, do it if it's relevant but do it carefully
  
• cross-over potential - hmm, tricky one. It's pretty much not for you to say, even though you may think you know. So, be very aware of exactly what it means.
  

And that's about it. Go write that perfect letter, even though perfect is subjective ...

Sorry for the lack of my normal crabbit humour in this post. I'm writing it a couple of weeks before posting and I'm feeling serious because I'm surrounded by lists and lists of lists. I have also lost (temporarily, I hope!) my creative spark, as I have put novel-writing aside to prepare for Edinburgh Book Festival stuff. As well as six events and a few chairings, I've got the Soc of Authors in Scotland AGM and summer party for 200 in a marquee to organise and it's slightly doing my head in. I am feeling like an event manager, not a writer. (But by the time you read this, the event will be over, which is a strange concept for me right now.)

One day, I will be properly back. meanwhile, please don't go away.

POINTY THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: 3 - SANITY (and book fest pics)

Continuing in my series of Pointy Thoughts, I bring you a thought of extreme importance. This has been engendered by correspondence from an agent friend of mine.

It is simple: do not submit any work to an agent or publisher when you are high on hallucinatory drugs. Ever.

That is the only explanation for the extraordinary example of mania that an agent has shown me.

No, let me be fair. I am going to think about this more carefully. There are some other feasible explanations, and I offer them all to you here:

• the writer was in the grips of a quasi-religious seizure - this could be the right explanation, as it did contain references to the notion that God had called him to a writing career. Well, I think it did, but it was a bit hard to make sense of. God did come into it anyway. (And please don't tell me God comes into everything and that God is everywhere. God was definitely not with this guy when he wrote the letter, unless He wished to knacker the guy's career before it started. Which is actually not a bad idea. So, maybe it was a religious seizure...)
  
• the writer was at a particularly difficult and intransigent stage of severe mental illness. Now, this I am very sympathetic to (not through personal experience, but through general human sympathy) and such situations are very tragic. However, this is really not the time to submit work to an agent. Or anyone at all.
• a mad axe-man had burst into the writer's garret and was threatening to cut his head off unless the writer submitted the work right NOW and under conditions of extreme stress.
  

There are no other explanations.

People, submit your work when sober, clean and stable. Do it only of your own volition, not because forced to by either God or an axe-man.

And now, unconnectedly, I bring you some photos of the first couple of days of the Edinburgh Book Fest, including, by popular demand, some never-yet-seen photos of The Yurt.

Day One and Two of the festival, and the sun shines. See!

Now (below) we approach that glory of glories, the Yurt. First, the peaceful bit outside, with authors relaxing in the sun:



And here the entrance, which is deceptive, revealing none of its hidden mysteries.

In the background is the Press Pod.

Below is the entrance again, at a busy time, with Roland, the programme manager, looking important. Which he is. He looks as though he's smoking a pipe, but of course he's not: he's saying "over and out", or something equally technical, into his radio thing.


Here is the hospitality table, with, remarkably, no one there.

The roof of the Yurt, which never leaks.


And the carpet of the Yurt, with some rather fetching shoes.

The children's book tent

A shelf of my books, the non-fiction ones. Sadly, I could not photograph my daughter's handiwork in giving me prominence in the fiction section, because there were too many people in the way. What nuisances readers are.



And the tail end of some party or other - can't remember which. They blur ...


And just to show you that the sun always shines on my blog: Not a drop of rain or gust of wind have we had. Trust me, I'm a novelist.

TRUTH HURTS - SO UNLEASH YOUR HIDDEN MASOCHIST

For a writer, there are sensible ways to take feedback and there are foolish ways to take feedback.

I won't add (much) to the vitriol hurled from and at two writers who got themselves into the news this week as examples of extreme(ly bad) ways to take negative criticism. Alain de B and Alice H will make up their own minds how to react to the feedback to their feedback to the feedback (aka reviews) to which they took such exception. Published writers must learn that some people will hate their books and must work out which negative crits they respect and which they think are rubbish. And how best to react. (Answer: not.)

But what of unpublished authors? What of the feedback that you get, if you're lucky, when you send your precious oeuvre to agent or editor asking for an honest opinion? I know, you don't really want an honest opinion, unless the opinion is "Brilliant! How much do you want for it?" But the fact that so many unpublished authors react unpleasantly to the more unwelcome honest opinions is partly what stops many agents/editors from giving any feedback other than "Sorry, I don't have room on my list." I know agents who've been told to rot in hell after saying that a piece of work wasn't up to scratch. Why should they put up with that when they're not paid and not likely to be paid if offered work that's crap?

Thing is, if you send your oeuvre to an expert, someone you plan to trust with your work during publication, you must accept his/her honest expert opinion when you get it. That doesn't mean you crumple into a heap and blindly make every change suggested if you don't fully believe or understand it, but it does mean that you consider closely what they say and accept that they know what they're talking about. Otherwise, why did you approach them, you deluded idiot? (Crabbit old bat is back.)

The author who does not listen properly to feedback from trustworthy sources (i.e. agents with a track record, publishers with a track record, writers with a relevant track record, and select readers who actually know what they're talking about, and NOT your relatives, friends, pets or even most members of your writing critique group unless they fall into the first category) is a fool and does not deserve to be published. Thing is, if a publisher happens to be taken in by your inferior writing and actually publishes it, readers will not be so forgiving: trust me. They will rip you to shreds on Amazon and your book will die horribly, messily and painfully. And you will be gutted and quite possibly throw a hissy fit. (In private, please.)

The aspiring author who, on the other hand, behaves like Jen Campbell, bravely and open-mindedly laying herself bare (not literally) and allowing herself to receive feedback in public from a host of people she has never met but has decided to trust on the basis that if they read this blog they must kind of slightly know what they're talking about, deserves publication and success.

The aspiring author who does all this and then generously gives me chocolate, just because I allowed her to be publicly judged, deserves to be published thrice-fold (or more) and then to win all the prizes going. Jen, thank you so much for the gorgeous Coco chocolate, pictured below - you honestly shouldn't have, but I'm very glad you did!

Vanessa's bookshop now seems to be the depository of presents for me. In case any of you need to know, for any reason of a donatory nature, her shop can be found at 219 Bruntsfield Place, Edinburgh EH10, and delicious chocolatier Coco of Bruntsfield is conveniently close by. Vanessa is also opening a grown-up bookshop soon, and I am equally happy to receive chocolate or sparkly wine there too. I am sure Vanessa is quite delighted to look after things for me.

Jen, you're amazing, even without the chocolate - you are an example of how to take feedback properly, maturely and constructively. There's no reason why you should follow it all but I believe what you're doing is seeing your work through the eyes of others and you know much more clearly what you might do to make it gorgeously and perfectly publishable. When you get there, let me be the first to know and I will give you chocolate too.

I also take my hat off to others amongst you who have submitted work to the Submissions Spotlights, either for children or adults, and especially those who sent their work in even after seeing the intensity of the comments that Annie and Jen so wonderfully dealt with. Congrats to Annie too - her response to the feedback for her children's submission was also wonderful.

Meanwhile, I'll be doing another spotlight on July 13th or thereabouts, and I haven't completely decided which ones to pick so do keep your submissions coming. Please follow the same rules as before. I was really pleased with how it went - I learnt from it too.

Thank you all for being such excellently contributory blog readers. You are restoring my faith in unpublished authors: see, I confess that before I started this blog I thought most of you were completely hopeless nutcases and that, on top of that, if that were not enough, many of you were also deluded idiots. Nutcases and idiots among you are obviously keeping quiet, which is quite the best thing for you to do, letting the sane and potentially publishable have their voice and show good author behaviour. Having so many published authors, agents and editors reading this blog is also an enormous help - thanks, one and all.

I can't send you chocolate (otherwise, of course, I would) but I can show you Jen's chocolate and the lovely Coco bag.

CHECKLIST FOR PUBLICATION - CAN YOU TICK THEM ALL?

I believe that if you can't say yes to all of these, you give yourself much less chance of being published and you deserve it less. Unfortunately, I can't guarantee that doing all of them will get you published, because that depends on what you have written and how well you have written it.

1. Have you read lots of the most successful and modern books in your genre?
   
2. Do you admire many of them?
3. Can you say what you love about them?
   
4. Can you name, easily, six authors whose books you admire in your genre? I don't know why I said six - I was tempted to say ten, but that seemed a bit tough and seven is not my favourite number. Nine would seem a bit weird. And I could have said eight - in fact, I will. Eight, then.
   
5. Are you writing something at the moment? You should be. And if you've finished something and you're waiting for people to get back to you, you should be writing something else.
   
6. Have you taken steps to have an online presence, such as a blog? It's a good way to practise writing and communicating, even if it's nothing like your actual work in progress. If a blog is not your scene, at least create a page somewhere, such as on a social networking site - people need to see you. You can't hide away as an author these days, unless your name is Salinger.
   
7. Have you got lots of ideas in you? Train your mind to catch and play with ideas.
   
8. Are you taking steps to discover all the rules about submitting to publishers / agents? As I say several times on this site, there's no excuse for not discovering these basics, such as how much to send and how to present it.
9. Are you perfectly professional in your working life? Do you always do what you say you're going to do when you say you're going to do it? (And I do mean in your professional life - I'm not bothered whether you do the ironing when you say you're going to. In fact, if you do the ironing when you say you're going to, you've got too much time on your hands - get writing, for goodness' sake!)
10. Are you keeping a list of ways to promote yourself - eg blogs, websites, relevant contacts. Do you keep a note of useful people's names and contact details? Do you contact people (politely and having a care for their personal space) on the right blogs and websites?
    
11. Have you joined some kind of community in the writing world and found opportunities to network? Not everyone wants to be in a writers' group or something where you have to share your work (and there's no need) but if you join an organisation or webgroup/forum for unpublished/published writers, you will learn a great deal and make valuable contacts. And that you do need. Many people cringe at the word networking - so call it something else then, but still DO it. It's not creepy and crawly unless you are creepy and crawly. Just be friendly, open and sensible.
12. Are you avoiding all the mistakes in the article on COMMON MISTAKES?
13. Do you feel gutted and miserable and everything else unpleasant when you are rejected again? If not, you probably don't want it enough.
14. Do you ooze green poison when you read in the papers of some idiot's 6-figure contract? If not, you probably don't want it enough.
15. If offered the choice between a month on a paradisical island, all expenses paid, travelling 1st class, with silently gliding masseuses attending to every knot in your shoulders, bringing you iced mango whenever you feel like it, and an offer to publish your novel, would you choose publication? If not ...
    

THINGS NOT TO SAY TO AN AGENT / PUBLISHER (OR ME)

These comments, whether in the covering letter or any other part of your approach to a publisher or agent, are certain to do one or all of the following:

• expose your lack of understanding of the whole business - OK, so you're not expected to understand it all, but there has to be a starting-point which suggests that you are taking the right steps
  
• stop them wanting to read on
• produce such a profound sinking feeling that they may not physically be able to draw breath to speak to you

In short, never say or write (even if these things are true):

1. I am a wonderful writer. (Not for you to say.)
2. I just know you are going to love this. (You don't. You really don't. If you think you can know what a total stranger will love, you don't understand books and reading at all.)
   
3. My mum and all my friends love my writing. (They would.)
   
4. I read my work to a writers' group / readers' group / school class / anyone, and had great feedback. (Utterly irrelevant. Totally typical. And stupendously meaningless. But very possibly true and deeply important - it's just that it is a total turn off at a time when you are trying to turn them on.)
   
5. I've always loved making up stories for my children. (As above.)
   
6. I started this novel five years ago but have only just found the time to finish it. (There is a distinct possibility that if it interested you so little, it will do the same for a reader. You have shown no commitment. There may be good reasons why you didn't have time but none of those reasons will appear good enough at this point. Essentially, a real writer is someone who simply cannot not write.)
   
7. I haven't finished this novel but I thought I would show what I've done so far to agents/publisher and get some feedback. (You thought wrong. Anyone can start a novel. Few can finish it adequately. Besides, adequately is not adequate.)
   
8. I have wanted to write this novel for so many years. It has burned inside me like a veritable burning brand and now I feel I can wait no longer to fan the flames of my burningness. (Oh, so you were that committed then? Frankly, the world is happy to wait much longer, especially if you write like that.)
9. If I could get this one novel published, I would be happy for ever. (So, you don't envisage a career, then? You don't really burn to write? You just want to get it out of your system. Well do, but not at our expense. A one-book wonder helps no agent or publisher - you'll lose them money.)
10. Rather than waste paper by printing out my novel, I have put it online - please visit www.stupidpersonsattempttogetpublished.com. (Why should we? You're the one meant to be making an effort.)
11. It is your lucky day: I am writing to give you the opportunity to publish my book. (Sadly it's your unlucky day because I'm not reading it.)
12. Just to give you a happier time, I've written my covering letter in rhyme; and then, to show you what I can do, I decided to versify the synopsis too. I know (of course) that that doesn't scan, but, just like you, I'm a busy man. So, Mr Bloggs, let me sing of a guy, who has given this novel his very best try. It's funny and frightening and chilling and stuff, And please please don't tell me it's not good enough.

(Sorry, yes, you can see this is sending me a bit batty. I'll stop there. Good excuse for some shocking poetry though.)

COMMON MISTAKES OF UNPUBLISHED AUTHORS

Excuse the random order of these. It'll keep you on your toes.

1. A bad covering letter. It's your shop window and many agents and publishers will not read a single word of your work if they don't like your letter. Why would they? After all, if you can't write a brilliant letter, how can you write a brilliant book?
2. Sending Chapter 28, 31 and 56 and in response to the question, "Why didn't you send chapters 1,2 and 3?" answering, "Because they're not as good." Get them good and then send them.
3. Disobeying the simple rules of how to submit work to publishers/agents. Very often in this blog, I give you the solution to that. Go find!
   
4. Not reading contemporary published books within your genre. It's arrogance and ignorance all rolled into one deeply unattractive and undeserving mess if you can't talk with passion and fervour about the authors and books that are being successful in your genre. Read. A lot. End of.
5. Being old-fashioned. If you wrote a new Pride and Prejudice it would not get published. Nor would it deserve to. If people want Pride and Prejudice they'll read it. They don't need your imitation. You have to try to be new and you can't do that with 19th century prose, excellent though it was. You even have to be careful about the names you choose - someone once sent me a proposed children's story with the characters Bill and Sue. No, no, no.
   
6. Having an inconsistent voice. If you don't know what voice is (and I didn't when I was failing to get published) then you need to find out. Find a creative writing class or blog or book. It really is a common mistake - to slip out of voice, or unintentionally disobey the rules of voice.
7. Being unpleasant. An agent or editor wants to work with you - why would they want to do that if you are rude or inconsiderate or abrupt or if you insist on pestering them, questioning their integrity, phoning them at the weekend? An author nowadays has to have some kind of public persona, too, and an editor won't want you on her/his list if you are likely to frighten/bore/annoy/bemuse/offend the booksellers/readers/librarians/publicity girls/reviewers. Yes, it has not escaped my notice that some authors are poisonous and regularly boring or drunk, but they will have successfully hidden that during their first contact with agent/editor.
8. Showing ignorance - you need to read the INEXCUSABLE IGNORANCE article. Just do your best to find out as much as you can about the business of becoming published. You're doing that already but keep going: go to talks by authors on getting published, or join organisations and writers' groups; subscribe to a writing magazine. (I'm going to investigate these for you soon - it's been a while since I read them but I used to get Writers' News and The New Writer and both were helpful. Actually, please let me know if you use/recommend them and I can put them on the list of links - please send me a website if possible).
9. Not getting straight to the point in a book, whether fiction or non-fiction. You have to think of your reader - don't wax lyrical with your beautiful prose without ensuring that your reader is following. Often this means NOT starting at the beginning, but leaping into the action and then explaining as necessary later. Let your reader wonder - don't flood them with background at the start.
10. A great beginning, followed by a floundering middle and / or unlikely ending.
11. Coincidence which could happen in real life but just doesn't feel believable in a book.
    
12. The feeling, obvious to most readers but not to the author desperate to force the plot to work, that the author was desperate to force the plot to work.
    
13. For older children and teenagers, the feeling that the author is trying to teach a moral message. Even if you are.
    
14. For younger children, a trite homely little story. Give it some oomph and orginality. But show that you care about your reader.
    
15. I could go on but I'm stopping there ....
    

WHAT IS INEXCUSABLE IGNORANCE?

You probably flinched at that word. Am I unfair to call it inexcusable? Of course, there's a huge amount that you can be excused for not knowing, including many things I didn't know and no doubt some I have yet to learn. But there are some things which are so earth-shatteringly basic and easy to discover that it is inexcusable not to have discovered them for yourself. Already. Long before you came across this blog.

Here are some questions which I have been asked at talks to unpublished authors, and/or which I have heard authors, publishers or agents being asked. And honestly, I am not exaggerating any of them. I will then, briefly and perhaps callously, explain why they are dud questions that you should never ask (or find a different way to ask them).

1. How long is a normal book?
2. Why should an agent have some of my earnings?
3. What is an MSS?
4. How should I approach a publisher or agent? What should I send them?
5. It seems to me that publishers are just in it to make money - is this right?
6. Does it matter if my grammar is not very good?

ANSWERS - well, sort of. In as much as I could bear it.

1. How long is a normal book? This is not exactly a stupid question but impossible to answer and therefore effectively stupid. And it betrays too much ignorance. (Even though there's no answer). A book is as long as it should be. The best way to judge is to find some books of the same sort / same market as yours and see how long they are. You'll probably find they are different(ish) lengths. A book is too long if it's too long and too short if it's too short. Think of your reader - how long does your reader want it to be?

One thing I would say is that it would almost certainly be better if you made it shorter. However long it is. Unless it's too short. See what I mean?

2. Why should an agent have some of my earnings? If you grudge your agent's commission, don't have an agent. But recognise that you will virtually certainly earn less and write less (unless you are already extremely successful and knowledgable about the market / foreign rights / ebook deals / territories / film+TV rights / option clauses / termination clauses ...). A good agent does many things that you almost certainly can't do so well and certainly shouldn't have time to do if you're such a committed writer - so you have to pay for it. A good agent undoubtedly increases your income by much more than the 10-15% commission. (I'll do an article on agents soon).

3. What is an MSS? The fact that, as with any question, everyone at some point did not know the answer does not stop this being a stupid question to ask, because if you can't find the answer yourself in 10 seconds, your brain isn't good enough to be a writer. If you are in the slightest bit serious about your ambition, you will have read lots of things about the subject already and you will at least know that MSS is a common and ancient term that is so frequent that you ought to discover the answer yourself, quickly. The point is that by asking the question, you reveal oceanic ignorance. It would be like someone who desperately wants to be a deep-sea diver asking what a wetsuit is. Really, really embarrassing.

4. How should I approach a publisher or agent? What should I send them? A very common and in many ways GOOD question, but so easy to find the answer that experts blanche or fume when asked it because again it reveals a total lack of prior research and common sense, which in turns betrays a lack of desire to learn. You can find the answers in the first three books (and others) on my book list, or on many publishers'/ agents' websites, in writers' magazines and a variety of online resources. The info is out there and so easily available that you shouldn't waste an expert's time by asking it.
However, I AM going to write an article about it, covering the finer points, but you need to find the basics yourself first. I suggest that you go no further until you have.

5. It seems to me that publishers are just in it to make money - is this right? No, they are doing it in order to go to heaven and because they love you with the crushing tenderness of a small child caring for her first pet rabbit. OF COURSE THEY ARE IN IT FOR MONEY! How else can they pay their staff, overheads, share-holders, gas bill? Seriously, if you really think there's a problem in them needing to try to make a profit on your book, then you need to take an enormous reality check. Oh, and when you're published and people ask you to write something or do an event for nothing, don't come crying to me.

6. Does it matter if my grammar is not very good? Do I have to answer this? It doesn't matter about spelling, or hand-writing, but grammar is language and language is your love, your craft, your trade, your art, your life. And if it isn't, please go away. (This question was asked at an event recently. I am not joking. And I hadn't been drinking.)

There are other bits of inexcusable ignorance but life's too short to go into them. My point is that you need to know something before you can ask questions that won't a) infuriate your questionee and b) reveal your ignorance. Picture me at a conference of microfluidicists - would I ask a question? Apart from, What am I doing here?